“Perhaps it is even more important to know what one should not think about than what one should think about.”
— Leo Tolstoy
August 14, 2011
June 16, 2011
I got nothing
“Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears.”
— Marcus Aurelius
I am thankful for resilience. I am thankful for the time.
June 5, 2011
Nothing confuses me more than a person saying all the right things, but whose eyes do not smile.
June 1, 2011
I do not believe on the concept of “The One”.
For me, there is No One in its truest sense. It’s a romanticized idea borne out of someone’s need to look for yet another someone because the former has grown leery of looking at his current someone, felt an itsy-bitsy sensation of monogamy taking hold of his neck, which led him to the hasty generalization that “This isn’t right”. You can just imagine why this idea caught on and snowballed.
As humans, we are predisposed to want more. This is evident in our out-of-control spending habits, demand to be paid more when contribution to work is nill, mediocrity on doing something we think is below us and, in a more close-to-heart situation, divorces stemming from multiple indiscretions. This is the crux of believing on The One. We are so desperate and deadset in living a perfect future with someone who is “destined” to be with us for all eternity. Eyes glaze over whenever this topic is discussed. We hinge hope that maybe, just maybe, when we do find him/her/it, everything will be perfect. We will be better lovers, friends, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, pet owners — because of that one person. The One who will make this future, this idealistic and fantastic future, complete.
Newsflash: All relationships need work and you have to specially work on the ones you want to keep. Thus said, anyone who come along in your life can very well be the One. That is, anyone can be the One you are willing to share and honor a relationship with. No magical moment hullabaloo of the world slowing down when you first saw her as an indication that yes, the universe conspired to bring you together. None of that crap. I may sound jaded, but really think about it. If you believe and you are set on being with someone, who cares if another one comes along? You’re set, you’re committed to one person. That’s it. You don’t need another One, a perfect vision of who will be your lifetime partner, in order to commit; you need you — in all certainty — to commit. And if you have someone by your side who’s perfectly capable of making you happy, why would this imaginary, often unrealistic, One matter?
May 25, 2011
Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfill my obligation to surpass myself unless I first accept myself, and if I accept myself fully in the right way, I will already have surpassed myself.
—Thomas Merton
I used to think that having someone declare his/her love to you is an affirmation of what you are: that someone has accepted you wholly and without question for everything that you are and could be. Having that declaration that I am loved is an assurance itself that, out of all the possible permutations of quirks, pet peeves and nuances summing up to a Freudian-defined (or Junguian, if that floats your boat) personality, I am acceptable to at least one soul who is not related to me. That can be a big deal.
However, I find myself reverting to yet another cliche whilst I was amending my values, overall life outlook and what-not after experiencing a surprising punch on the gut brought about by recent events. Hinging your worth on someone else’s validation is not the way to go through life. You perfectly have to accept that at this moment, this is all you are. What you will do moving forward in your life is all you. No one else can say that they molded you in a certain way through their “approval”. No one can make you into something that you are not.
Everything you have become, you must accept that in many ways , that is the true version of yourself.
May 18, 2011
I suppose you will be with me as long as I live. You will taunt me, threaten to hurt me again, show me how I trusted blindly and how wrong and presumptuous I was. So, I don’t know. You’ll probably hound me forever. You’ll be that guy.
Written a couple of months ago. Some remain true, but it doesn’t matter anymore. He’ll be that guy, but he won’t be the only one.
May 11, 2011
The revolution is coming. Suddenly, I cannot feel. Or I will not allow myself to feel as I used to.
But maybe, just maybe, I can be proven wrong and be revived.
May 11, 2011
I guess when you have been burnt before (in relationships), you tend to be more conscious of your emotions and how much you need to untangle them from the physical things you do. This new awareness does not necessarily translate that, moving forward, you fully understand others’ feelings, or that you will with utmost certainty give a damn.
May 3, 2011
- I was in a quarterlife crisis
- I had a good boss and team working for me job-wise
- I was adjusting to (nay, resisting, i.e. kicking and screaming racial slurs to the gods of the underworld, “Why? WHY?!”) a life in a foreign country
- I was in a long-term committed relationship
- I was starting to become an atheist
- My favorite food was soup
Except for the bordering-to-obscene affinity for soup, all these points do not apply to me anymore. OK, maybe I get bouts of career insecurities here and there, but this soul is now a globe-trotting (and loving it), free-spirited, trying-to-be-cool-but-scared-shitless-of-the-unplanned, newly single, tornado of a girl roaming around the urban wild. And she’s gonna update this phoenix blog. Yes, she will.
Let’s ride.
April 23, 2010
What is the meaning of your life?
My meaning of life is the pursuit of greatness, the ability to achieve the impossible, to create and recreate opportunities when there is virtually none. My meaning of life is knowing that I did the impossible.
My meaning of life is comfortably finding my place under the sun, without question, without guilt. I strive for continuous learning and constant evolution of skills. My meaning of life is finding security amidst internal turmoil, that I am better precisely because I chose to conquer my limitations.
My meaning of life is running on the treadmill, because it reminds me I am doing something to be healthy. My meaning of life is going home early enough to go online and talk to my family over Skype. My meaning of life is travelling to foreign places on a tight budget, because I do not believe a hiker’s life is supposed to be luxurious. My meaning of life is roaming around a city I have never lived in, experience a culture different yet familiar.
My meaning of life is finding meaning. I make experiences replicated in some other part of the world my own.
My meaning of life is something mine.
I should have said this when they asked me.
